The Fool's Journey
by I's that C
Summary: "This is a story that begins with the end. My end." Sasuke is found dead, presumably by his own hand. It was shocking, saddening, and yet not quite surprising. But then Naruto receives a cryptic message in the mail, and he is swept up in a whirlwind of mysteries with none other than Uchiha Itachi. Is there more to this story then meets the eye? AU Past!NaruSasu, NaruIta
1. 0 The Fool

**So here it is… the beginning of my new story, The Fool's Journey. The chapters of this one are going to be relatively short, but if I've done my job right, they'll be good. :o Like it? Hate it? Tell me why in a review!**

**Chapter Title: **0. The Fool**  
Chapter Warnings: **Mentions of suicide.

**believe, beLIEve, believe**

_A man stands on a precipice, hands shading his eyes as he gazes out over the horizon. He does not know what to expect, but he is ready- with his trusted partner at his side. There is an ocean of possibility before him. All he has to do is jump. _

**believe, beLIEve, believe**

_To the fool,_

_This is a story that begins with the end. _

_My end._

_The answers are all there._

_Open your eyes, and you will see; listen, and you will hear; reach out, and you will feel._

_Go willingly to The World. _

_For me._

_Love, Sasuke_

Tears like crystal raindrops cascade from cerulean irises, rolling down the hills of tanned cheeks. Uzumaki Naruto clutches the heavy parchment of the letter like a lifeline in shaking, trembling hands. The only thing that keeps him grounded in his sorrow is the heavy oak chair beneath him.

His beloved has been dead for ten days. He is hurt. His stomach churns with grief as the shores amidst a monsoon as he thinks that it has been ten long days since Sasuke was found dead, lying on his bed drained of every last drop of life supporting ruby fluid. And now, just as the wounds to his broken heart have begun to glaze over with the start of healing, this letter (Naruto presses it to his face and it smells so much like _him_) tears him open again.

Naruto takes a deep, shuddering breath and stands. The chair makes a heavy, discordant screech against the white tile floor. He does not need to be grounded. Right now, he needs to float endlessly in the mute blackness of the recesses of his mind. He needs to escape.

Because he does not understand.

Naruto paces the length of the atypically immaculate kitchen and pauses at a tiny window above the sink, still clutching the silky smoothness of the parchment (so much like _his _skin) and it is the only thing that keep him sane.

The curtains are a happy, vibrant blue pinstriped with sunshiny yellow. In a flash of crimson anger, Naruto tears them down, dirtying the floor with pristine shards of drywall and coating the shiny chrome of the sink with powder snow. The curtains fall to the floor with a clatter and the resonating ring brings him out of his trance.

Naruto breathes heavily, his hands melding into fists around the thick page.

He _does not understand._

"What answers do I look for, Sasuke?" he shouts at the window, now free to let in the sun's rays, a bright antonym to his mood.

Naruto falls to his knees. The pain is too much to bear. But bear it he must, because he _needs_ to understand.

He reads and rereads the words. What does the letter mean? Is it a suicide note? A farewell?

But no, that can't be right. If this was Sasuke's way of saying goodbye, then why did he write "_Go willingly to The World_?" What did that mean?

Naruto lays down on the tile, cool against his hot skin. He can taste the salt from his tears on his tongue, and he shuts his eyes and imagines the taste of salt on alabaster skin after a long night together.

"Sasuke," he whispers as he focuses on the dancing patterns of light behind his eyelids. He holds the letter close to him, and breathes in the lingering scent deeply.

He can picture his former lover's face as clearly as if he were right in front of him. The inky blackness of raven hair. The eternity of grey eyes flecked with tiny specks of amber, only just noticeable from up close. The deep redness of lips just as passionate as their color.

He cannot think right now. He is tired, his head hurts, and he feels so empty.

_Go willingly to The World. _

Just as Naruto begins to slip over the edge of sleep, he is jerked awake with such ferocity it is difficult to believe that such a ripple had been brought on by one little word.

It had come to him suddenly, quietly. But once it was there, it bloomed in the blacks, blues, and purples of a bruise, steadily tainting the image he had imagined.

Just six letters that brought the acrid taste of bile to the back of his throat and left him scrambling for the sink, stomach heaving.

"Tell me I'm wrong. Please," he pleads with no one in particular, no longer clutching the letter and staring at it in horror, as if it had burned him.

He takes deep tremulous breaths that steadily increase in speed until he is almost hyperventilating. He sinks into his grounding chair once again. Now, the depths of his mind is the last place he wants to be. Tanned fingers wrap around the green barrel of a pen and Naruto reaches for something- anything- to distract him. He begins to doodle aimlessly, not caring as his palms drag across wet ink and leave imperfect stains on the page.

He tries his best to stay away from anything that will remind him of that word, but as he draws in the roof of a house, a shaky line trails off and almost subconsciously, he begins to write.

_M…_

_u…_

_r…_

Naruto shuts his eyes to the sight, but his hand is moving of its own accord- almost as if it is being pushed along by a force invisible to him.

_d…_

_e…_

_r…_

Slowly, reluctantly, he opens his eyes, knowing that he cannot avoid the idea forever. The word stares at him unwaveringly, and Naruto is almost surprised by its appearance.

_For me._

Naruto stands abruptly. It's awful, and disgusting, and horrifying, but in his heart, he knows it is true. Sasuke did not die by his own hand. And this letter, he thinks, is Sasuke trying to tell him to bring him justice. To find his murderer.

Naruto walks briskly to the door and slips into his shoes, doing his best to ignore the coat _he_ left beside the door, and sets out with conviction. He knows what he must do.

Sasuke had always been the smart one. When Naruto could not figure something out, he would bring the problem to Sasuke, and together they would have an answer in no time.

That was no longer of option, of course. But Sasuke had learned from somewhere. It would be settling, but Naruto would visit the next best thing.

**believe, beLIEve, believe**

**That's all for now. If you want more, review! :D**


	2. I The Magician

**So last chapter did not go over as well as I had hoped. I didn't get any reviews at all. u.u I feel so discouraged already. Do me a favor, and if you read this and you like it at all, let me know? D:**

**Chapter Title: **I. The Magician**  
Chapter Warnings: **Mentions of suicide, alcoholism, language

**believe, beLIEve, believe**

_A man stands before a table of solid oak. His tools are laid out before him, one by one. The pentacle, the chalice, the wand, the sword. Behind him, a garden grows beautifully, the lush green contrasting with the pure white and passionate red of his robe._

**believe, beLIEve, believe**

When the sleek, blue Sedan pulls into the long and elegant driveway, it is almost 8:00 PM. Naruto shifts the vehicle into park, removes the key from the ignition, and breaths deeply, mentally preparing himself for the visit. Absently stroking the spotless tan interior, he gazes through the windshield at the Victorian manor. There are only a few lights on, but even with the limited glow, the expensive house still manages to take his breath away.

Naruto had always loved visiting the Uchiha residence in favor of Sasuke's small modern home, and now, gazing at the gable roof, bay windows, and stunning rose gardens, a feeling of peace comes over him that he has not felt since _he_ died. But it only lasts a few seconds, because he is not here to have a pleasurable visit with Sasuke's beloved older brother.

Naruto closes his eyes briefly, then exits the vehicle, letting the door slam and shattering the silence. Somewhere far in the distance, several dogs bay at the ruckus, and a chorus of crickets sing their sorrows into the night.

With a hand tucked into his pocket, the letter weighing a thousand pounds against his thigh, he makes his way up the beautiful stone pathway. The door is a heavy cherry wood, and he reaches for the ornate brass scroll knocker, but after a moment's hesitation, he rings the doorbell instead. Deep within the bowels of the house, a classic tune plays out.

After a moment, a woman with dark hair and pale eyes answers the door, undoubtedly the only housekeeper left on duty.

"Yes?"

Naruto shifts his weight from one foot to the other. "I'm here to see Itachi…?" he asks hesitantly, only now wondering if this was really a good idea. He has not seen the elder of the Uchiha brothers since the day before they learned of Sasuke's death, and he had no idea how the elder was taking the loss of the younger.

"I'm sorry, but Mr. Uchiha is not taking visitors right now," she says a hint of coldness in her tone. She moves to shut the door in his face, but Naruto stops her.

"Please. It's urgent."

The woman opens her mouth, as if to snap at him- she looks as if she had been on duty for an especially long time today- but after catching the look in his eyes, she sighs. "Alright, but Mr. Uchiha is feeling unwell today. Please make it quick."

He nods and thanks her, and follows her into the cozy anteroom. "The master is in his study," she says simply as she shuts and locks the door behind her, then drifts off down the hallway to the kitchen. Her footsteps fade away and Naruto is once again cast into a sea of silence.

Naruto's suspicion is correct; the woman who was so short with him was indeed the only one on duty. The blond cannot help but feel sorry for her. It is late, and by 'unwell,' Naruto is painfully aware that the woman means 'grieving.' He can't imagine how she must feel to have to deal with that- she who does not know how it is when a loved one dies by unclean methods.

Slowly, he ascends the spiral staircase, counting the steps as the wooden frame creaks underfoot. A draft from one of the many windows sends shivers down his spine as the cool autumn air seeps in. He is not ready, he thinks, when his own grief is so fresh in his heart to see what Itachi's most precious person's untimely death has done to the once laidback and kind man.

The door to the spacious but still cozy study is open ajar, and the warm flicker of candle light casts long shadows into the hallway. Not allowing himself to hesitate this time- for if he does, he will surely turn around and take the two hour drive home without another look back- he raps lightly on the door and steps in.

Uchiha Itachi sits in the middle of the softly lit room, leaning back in a large green armchair. The coffee table in front of him is scattered with empty bottles of liquor. His appearance is disheveled; his long raven hair hangs loosely, splaying over his broad shoulders; he is wearing a loose, plain white shirt, and a pair of gray sweatpants. Gone is the successful and confident model, and in his place is a man who has lost his brother.

Upon hearing him enter the room, Itachi glances over at Naruto, his eyes unfocused. He stands, swaying slightly and steadies himself on the back of the chair. "Naruto. It's good to see you," he slurs, offering a tired smile though it does not reach his eyes. He moves to take another sip from his glass, only to find that it is empty. "Come, sit down." He gestures toward the chair in front of him as he begins to pour himself yet another shot of vodka, hesitates, and chugs directly from the bottle, his hand closing around the slender neck in a vice grip.

Naruto takes the offer and sits, nervously. He has never seen the aristocratic man in such a state. "It's good to see you as well," he says, sincerely despite the circumstances. "Itachi, how much have you had to drink today?"

"Oh, not much," he replies dismissively. He takes another sip. "I'm sorry, I'm being awfully rude. Can I get _you_ something to drink?" He reaches for a glass and begins to pour honey colored brandy.

Naruto is tempted for a moment, but he quickly refuses. He would tell himself it is just one drink, but then the numbness it brings would lead to another and another, until he too would be nothing more than a brokenhearted man with nothing left to feel but the burn of alcohol as it slides down his throat.

Itachi shrugs, and takes the glass for himself, downing half of it in a single gulp. "So, what brings you here?" he asks, words bleeding into one another like a train wreck.

"I wanted to talk… about Sasuke."

His hand freezes and the glass slips from his hand, spilling out over the pure white carpet. Itachi bends forward as if he has been punched in the gut and mutters something in Japanese that Naruto can only imagine is a string of curses- or perhaps a prayer.

"I'm sorry. If this is a bad time…" Naruto stands and moves closer to the other man, placing a hand on his back in a way that he hoped was comforting.

He shakes his head. "No, no… Well, yes. But I suppose any time would be a bad time. Unless we could go back in time… I'm sorry, I'm not making sense. I suppose I am a bit drunk…"

Naruto says nothing, because it does make sense. He, too, wishes he could go back in time. Even if it were to just moments before _he_ died. If only he could say goodbye, I love you, wait for me, _anything._ He is unaware that Itachi's longing comes from a different desire.

Itachi rises slowly from the chair, but even that is not enough to stave off the waves of dizziness. Naruto slings an arm over his shoulder and supports him. "I'm sorry… I can't, not now…"

"It's okay. We can talk tomorrow," Naruto whispers, and allows Itachi to lean on him as he leads the inebriated man to bed. Itachi collapses on it, and falls asleep almost immediately, and it is obvious to him that he has not slept in quite some time. Naruto throws a blanket over him, and leaves the room, wandering down the hallway.

He knows where his feet are leading him, and he does not want to go there, but it does not matter because right now his heart is in control. He walks up a narrow staircase and opens the trap door to a small attic room, with an angled ceiling made up almost entirely of windows. He sits on the worn mattress on the floor and gazes out into the eternity of the night sky and busies himself with counting the stars to stave off the memories, but they are too strong and soon he is drowning in them.

**believe, beLIEve, believe**

_An 18 year old Naruto glares as his best friend pulls him up a staircase that is so narrow he almost has to turn sideways to fit, but it is obvious that he doesn't mean it. It has been too long since they have been in their special spot together. The sun is setting, and as they crawl through the trap door, they are instantly bathed in golden light. Sasuke's hands release their grip on his shirt and he walks to the window, sighing deeply. Naruto sits on the mattress and toys with a loose thread in the soft blue fleece blanket that has been here for more than nine years, waiting._

"_Are you a virgin?" Sasuke asks suddenly and without turning around._

_Naruto blushes, and he is glad that Sasuke does not have that intense dark stare fixated on him. "Uhm, why do you ask?" _

_Sasuke shrugs, his shirt riding up slightly with the movement giving Naruto a fleeting view of that deliciously curved spine. "I was just wondering."_

_Naruto coughs slightly in embarrassment. "Oh, well. Um, no, I'm not."_

_Sasuke lets out a soft 'hm' of thought, then falls quite for another moment or two. He turns so that his back is resting against the window panes. "With a girl or a guy?"_

"_Girl," he mutters, looking anywhere but at his conversational partner, then scoffs in incredulity._

"_What?"_

_Naruto shakes his head. "Nothing. I just thought the Japanese were supposed to be all shy and stuff about these topics."_

_Sasuke laughs, a rare occurrence. "Maybe so. Father always did complain that I wasn't- quote, unquote- Japanese enough."_

"_So… are you?"_

"_Am I what?" he questions, fingering his vertical labret piercing, lost in thought._

_Naruto sighs. Sasuke is typically very down to earth, but when something is on his mind, he turns into a total space case. "A virgin," he spits out finally, not sure if he want to know the answer- not sure if he can handle the answer._

"_That's beside the point." He carefully removes the small piece of jewelry, unscrewing the ball and letting it fall into his palm. "Do you think I look better with or without this? I'm thinking of letting the hole close up."_

_Naruto blushes again. Sasuke looks stunning either way, but there is no way that Naruto can tell him this. "Don't change the subject when you're the one who picked it. And if that's beside the point, then what exactly did you want to talk about?"_

_Sasuke rolls the barbell around his palm, and it glimmers in the dying light. He lets out another sigh, but this is one of frustration. "Suigetsu wants to me to sleep with him, but I… I can't."_

_Naruto feels his heart soar- so Sasuke is not as in love with his sexy athletic boyfriend as he lets on- and in his moment of joy he misses the look of anguish on his friend's face. "Well, why not?"  
_

_Sasuke stands again, slipping the barbell back in place and turns away again. The sun has almost sunk beneath the crown of the thick pinewood forest behind the manor. "Because. I… just don't want to. I'm not ready, I guess," he says, and something has changed in his voice, but this goes unnoticed as well. "…He just doesn't get it."_

_This is Naruto's chance, and he takes it. "Maybe you should break up with him, then. Find someone who does get it."_

"_Yeah, like who?"_

"_Like me."_

_Sasuke glances at him, a sad look in his eyes. He smiles, but the unhappiness does not fade away. "You wouldn't get it either."_

_Naruto stands then, feeling unusually bold, and moves closer until they are standing beside each other their fingers intertwining. "I could try to. Please. Just give me a chance."_

_That sad smile remains. "We'll see."_

**believe, beLIEve, believe**

Naruto lies down, burying his face into the soft fleece and breathing in deeply Sasuke's lingering scent. "We'll see," had quickly turned into "Let's try," after that conversation. They had been together through college- as Naruto graduated with an associate's degree in graphic design and Sasuke, to everyone's surprise, dropped out after too much pressure from his family and went on to own and manage an extremely successful dance club- to Naruto's distaste with the help of Suigetsu.

Naruto sighs as his eyes flutter shut and he longs to dream of those days long past, but sleep never comes.

**believe, beLIEve, believe**

When the light of dawn begins to break, Naruto gets up, arranges the bed the way Sasuke always liked it- with all of the wrinkles smoothed out- and heads downstairs. The housekeeper has left, and the manor is quiet and empty. His footfalls echoing silently, he walks to the kitchen with the intention of making a pot of tea. He glances at his watch, which reads 6:01AM, and he absently wonders how well Itachi slept, but he does not have to wonder for long.

As he rounds the corner and enters the kitchen, he sees Itachi already seated at the table. He looks better than yesterday, Naruto notes. His hair has been brushed and washed, and pulled back into its signature ponytail. He is still wearing only a pair of sweatpants and a plain shirt, but now there is something fresher about the whole look. Rather than being surrounded by empty bottles of liquor, he has lined up several empty bottles of water to replenish his fluids. When Naruto enters, he looks up and smiles tiredly.

"Good morning. There's tea on the stove, if you'd like some."

Naruto nods and returns the greeting. "Thanks, I would like some." He walks over to the small stove, and reaches into one of the cabinets for a mug, as if it were his own house he was in, and pours the tea, letting out a pleasured sigh as the scent of Hibiscus fills his nostrils. He sits across from Itachi, and takes a long sip of the delicious fluid.

"I'm sorry about last night," Itachi begins, looking sincerely apologetic. "You shouldn't have had to see me like that… I just… It's been so hard, and-"

"Don't worry about it. I understand," Naruto says gently, moving one hand from the warmth of the mug to take Itachi's hand.

Itachi accepts the gesture gratefully, moving to hold Naruto's hand in both of his. "Thank you… It really is good to see you, though," he adds after a moment of silence.

"And you too."

Itachi sighs, not letting go of Naruto's hand. "So, you wanted to talk about Sasuke?"

Naruto nods. "Yes, but if you wanted to wait until later, we could…"

"No, no. Now is just as good a time as any…"

Naruto hesitates, unsure if Itachi can handle the discussion he wants to have in this state. "Are you sure?"

"Of course." Itachi sighs and stares into his tea. "After all, you drove all of this way to visit me..."

Again, all of Naruto's insecurities and fears rush back to him. What will Itachi say when Naruto presents his theory? Will he refuse to believe it? Will he refuse to _hear_ it? Or even worse still… Will he be right?

"Itachi, I… Sasuke… he…" Naruto begins, his palms sweating and his tongue tripping over his words. "I don't think Sasuke killed himself."

Itachi's gaze turns hard, and it reminds Naruto so much of the expression Sasuke used to get whenever Naruto asked him a question that he didn't want to answer. "He's dead, isn't he?" he says bluntly, his tone expressionless.

"That's not what I mean… I know he's really… that he's…" He swallows the lump rising in his throat. This is something that he doesn't want to say out loud, but he has no choice. "I don't think he killed himself," he repeats, licking dry lips in nervousness. "But if he didn't, then that means someone else did…"

Itachi freezes for a moment, then drops Naruto's hand as if he has been burned. "No. No. I found him, Naruto… I saw him… He… his wrists, they were so cut up and… That's ridiculous. There's no way Sasuke could have… could have been…" he takes a deep breath, "_murdered."_

Naruto reaches into the pocket of his coat and slowly pulls out the letter. "Then tell me what this means. _Please_. I don't want it to be true either, Itachi. It's just so…" His words fade away, and he simply slides the letter across the table. Itachi can read it on his own and decide.

Naruto watches as Itachi takes the letter, with a questioning look. He shifts in his seat and squints slightly as his hyperopic eyes strain to read the neat but small cursive on the page. Towards the end of the letter, his eyes widen, and he meets Naruto's watchful gaze.

"Where did you get this?" he asks in a hushed tone.

"It came in the mail. No return address. I know that's his handwriting though."

Itachi glances at the letter, then to Naruto, and back to the letter again. "Sasuke and his riddles…" he laments. "Only _he_ could turn his death into something like this."

"What do you mean…?"

Itachi stands, his eyes hard as stone. "I hate to speak of him like this after his death- and may his soul rest in peace- but Sasuke always had a tendency to be a tad overdramatic. He always had to be the center of attention. Always. And even now…"

Naruto stares at the Uchiha in disbelief. For a long moment nothing else can be heard but the ticking of the kitchen clock.

"Don't get me wrong, I loved him and I miss him dearly. But Sasuke had issues. There is no doubt in my mind that he a sort of glamourized… romanticized view on suicide, and there is no doubt in my mind that he acted on those thoughts as a cry for attention." Itachi sits once again, his breathing heavy, his expression dazed as if he were in a trance, and holds his throbbing head in his hands. "I'm sorry to sound so harsh, but… Stop. Just stop. Sasuke killed himself; he slit his own wrists and bled to death in his bedroom. I don't know why. I don't know what drove him to do this. But I am almost 100 percent certain that he did this as a cry for attention," he repeats, the volume of his voice rising steadily, his breaths coming quicker until he is almost hyperventilating.

His next words come out in a garbled run-on sentence and a few tears gather in his charcoal almond shaped eyes, but they do not fall. "And I am almost 100 percent certain of this because he wanted me to meet him for coffee at his house for 9:00PM. But I was busy with work. I was running horribly late, and I forgot to call to let him know… I don't think he really meant to die; I think I was supposed to save him. But I got wrapped up in this call from my agent about a photo shoot with Versace, and next thing I knew it was 10:30, and I called him then, but he wouldn't answer and when I got there…" he pauses and breathes, finally. "I was too late. Too fucking late. This is all my fault because I was _too late_, don't you see? This letter… is just some dramatic, angsty suicide note no doubt meant to make you feel bad for him in the event that I didn't make it in time to save him, and I didn't. So there."

Naruto stares at the letter, and the page becomes a blur of cream and gray and the colors remind him of _his _skin and _his _eyes. He is stunned, he is shocked, and he is almost disappointed that Itachi would say such things. And he doesn't believe a word of it- or maybe he just doesn't want to.

Itachi walks over to Naruto and touches his shoulder briefly. "I'm sorry. I should have worded all of that better… I'm just so…" he lets out a grunt of frustration. "I'm sorry, but could you please leave? I'm not myself right now…" his hand leaves Naruto's shoulder and his touch leaves what feels like a gaping hole. "Have a safe trip home."

Naruto rises, as if on autopilot, says his goodbyes, and leaves.

It takes almost all of his self-control, but somehow, Naruto manages to keep the tears at bay as he takes the two hour drive home in the heavy silence of his car.

**believe, beLIEve, believe**

**Love it? Hate it? Let me know why in a review! I put some foreshadowing in here too, about the way Sasuke actually died which will be revealed in the next chapter. Can anyone guess? :D**


	3. II The High Priestess

**Important notes about the setting: Konoha is an imaginary city in New York. It is bordered by Suna, Kiri, and Oto. Konoha is sort of a bustling suburban area. This is where Sasuke and Naruto live(d). Suna is sort of the fashion capital, and Itachi does most of his work here. Oto is an entertainment district, and this is where Sasuke and Suigetsu's club is located. Kiri is a run-down, ghetto-ish area known for its gang violence. This is where Suigetsu lives. Itachi lives outside of the borders in a more country-ish location, about two hours away from Konoha. The Uchiha's move here from Japan, but the others are native to the states.**

**Sighhh… Three chapters and still no reviews. ;.; My traffic stats show plenty of new hits on chapter zero, but very few go onto chapter one, so I guess chapter zero just sucked. XD**

**I actually am still enjoying writing this story, so I think I'm gonna continue on anyway. It would actually be pretty impressive, I think, if I make it all 22 chapters without a single review. ;D**

**Update: I did wind up getting a couple of reviews after all. XD Ruined my plan before I even announced it… To the peeps that reviewed, you are super awesome and I love you! :3**

**Chapter Title: **II. The High Priestess**  
Chapter Warnings: **Mentions of suicide, alcoholism, language

**believe, beLIEve, believe**

_The woman sits atop a crescent moon, smiling a mysterious smile to rival the Mona Lisa's. A scroll is tucked neatly into the folds of her robes and behind her opens the gateway to whole new worlds. Beyond lie all the answers. It is not a question of whether or not they are there; it is whether or not she will let you through._

**believe, beLIEve, believe**

The next day, after a restless night throughout which Naruto's words turn over and over in his head Itachi makes his decision. He is almost 100 percent sure of his theory that Sasuke's death was merely an unfortunate accident, but he is Uchiha Itachi, and Uchiha Itachi is never okay less than 100 percent. He know that it will be painful but he has no other option.

Slowly he pushes himself out of bed, squinting as the harsh light of the rising sun seeps through his dark window curtains, bathing the room in a sort of dark light. As he sits up, a pounding in his head begins. He had spent the night drinking again, and now he is paying the price. Blindly he gropes for the bottle of water on his nightstand table and downs the rest of the lukewarm fluid and wonders if this is going to become a regular problem for him.

At the age of 32, Itachi had never been much of a drinker, not even in his college years. His career depended on him looking young and attractive, and he knew that alcohol would make him age faster, but now it was as if something had been unlocked within him. He remembers that his own father had struggled with alcoholism, another reason for him to stay away, and now that has succumbed the temptation, a part of him wonders if he will ever escape what has become a dependence.

Itachi cradles his aching head in his hands as he walks down stairs in the clothes he had worn the night before, with the intent of getting another bottle of water to combat his hangover. He glances at the calendar hung on the fridge, the month of August displaying a colorful photo of he and Sasuke when they were little. They are playing together in the park, and Itachi cannot help but smile a bit as he takes in the sight of Sasuke's grin. Sasuke always had such an infectious personality when he was a child. So open and bright and happy. It was impossible to believe that he was gone.

He runs his fingers absently over the glossy photo, his other hand positioned on the refrigerator door handle, His smile fading as his eyes fall on a date circled in black and a date circled in blue. The black was the day of Sasuke's death. The blue was the scheduled date of his funeral. There a six days before the funeral.

Itachi pulls the door open, hiding his painful reality from view, and reaches for a water, scolding himself internally as he eyes the beer on the bottom shelf. He almost takes it in addition to the water, but he is headed for the police station as soon as it opens, and he knows that it would be unwise and incredibly reckless to not only drive while intoxicated, but to drive straight to the police station while intoxicated.

He returns to his study and begins to clean up as he replenishes his fluids, sighing as he realizes that he has finished his last bottle of scotch, then pushes the thought into the back of his mind. He knows very well that that is the last thing he needs to be thinking about. Moving around has helped to dull the aching of his head and the nausea in his stomach, and he feels that he is now ready to start his day.

He walks into his bedroom, ignoring the narrow staircase at the end of the hall, and opens his closet. An abundance of designer numbers stare out at him. He may feel better today than he has in recent days, but still has little energy to look good. Exasperatedly, he reaches for a loose pair of jeans and black V-neck cotton shirt. They are plain, but comfortable, and it is a presentable enough get-up. Itachi runs his knuckles along the side of his jaw. The stubble is obvious, but already he feels drained and exhausted, and so he decides to skip shaving.

Outside, the light is blinding, and Itachi slips on a pair of dark shades as he climbs into the driver's side of his black Mercedes and pulls out of the driveway. He has not been outside since the day he found Sasuke dead, and he takes the drive into Konoha looking at the scenery with different eyes. His thoughts drift to Sasuke once again, and the day their family had moved to Konoha from their homeland, Japan. Sasuke had been so excited to experience a new country, a new culture, even though he did not speak the language well. Sasuke had been six then, and Itachi thirteen, and even so young with a huge age they had been incredibly close.

Itachi remembered how worried he had been about Sasuke. At his junior high in Japan, his classmates had told him horror stories about Americans and how they would make fun of them because of their oriental features and their accents. His worrying had been for naught, though. Konoha had a surprisingly dense population of Asian-Americans, and they had fit in surprisingly well. Right off the bat, Sasuke had become close friends with Naruto, a mix of Japanese, Mexican, and English. Naruto came from a Spanish speaking home, and they had learned English together and bonded through their struggles in elementary. In middle school, he met Hozuki Suigetsu, who was half Japanese, making the second of the biggest influences in Sasuke's youth out of his school friends.

He slows the car to a stop at a red light and absently bites his lip, a bad habit that he and Sasuke had shared as he thinks…

**believe, beLIEve, believe**

_Itachi, 19 years old, steps into the immaculate kitchen of his parents' house, the mixed scent of pasta and tomato sauce and lemon cleaner floods his senses, giving him a sort of nostalgic feeling. At the stove, Sasuke is taking the pasta off of the burner and lowering the heat._

_Itachi smiles. It was so incredibly endearing to see him doing house chores. He pulls out chair and sits at the square table, letting his fingers trace over the pattern on the red table cloth as he watched Sasuke finish preparing his dinner. He turns with the hot pot in hand to the sink where he has set a colander to strain the pasta, but jumps when he sees his older brother seated at the table, almost spilling the boiling water on his exposed arms. _

"_Oh, Itachi … I didn't hear you come in," he says as he regains his grip on the pot and successfully begins to drain the pasta._

"_Sorry about that. How are you?" _

_Sasuke grins at him, enjoying the prospect of having Itachi around for the rest of the day. Their parents were away on business once again, and though Itachi was living on his own about an hour away in Suna for his work, he often stopped by to check on Sasuke. Sasuke's grin turns into a pout as he returns the pasta now drained of its water to the pot and takes the sauce off the heat. "I've been alone all weekend. It's not fair. I'm not allowed to go out, and I'm not allowed to have friends over when mom and dad aren't home, so I have nothing to _do_, "he lamented. _

"_Well, uncle Madara will be coming down soon. With him watching you you'll have more freedom," Itachi promised, but Sasuke's pout remained. _

"_Maybe so- and that's if he's not as strict as mom and dad. But until then, I'm 'gonna be bored out of my mind!"_

_Itachi smiles at him. "Well I have tomorrow off, so if you want, you can bring a few friends over for the day."_

_Sasuke instantly brightens. "Really? Thanks!"_

"_No problem," Itachi replies, chuckling. "Do you need any help with dinner?"_

"_Nope, I've got it," he says as he pours the sauce into the same pot as the pasta and stirs it together. When it is combined to his liking, he opens the cabinet and pulls out two plates. "Want some?"_

_Itachi reaches for the magazine in the middle of the table, and notices that it is opened to a page with a photo of himself sitting on a dock, shirtless, modeling a pair of Lucky Brand jeans. "No thanks, I'm not hungry."_

_Sasuke frowns, then makes a plate for him anyway, setting it in front of him. "You're never hungry. Eat."_

_Itachi sighs. "Sasuke, you know I'm on a diet. I can't have all those carbs."_

"_I don't care about the carbs or your diet, eat my damn pasta."_

_Itachi glances up, surprised by the sudden harshness in his tone. Sasuke looks him over, nothing that his cheeks look gaunt, and his collar bone is far too visible. "You're getting too thin, Itachi. You don't _need_ to be on a diet." _

_The older Uchiha shakes his head. "On the contrary, I need to lose three kilos for my next photo shoot."_

_Sasuke narrows his eyes. "No. You're already rail-thin, and losing anymore is going to be bad for your health. If anything, you need to _gain_ three kilos. If the way you are now isn't good enough for them, they can find another model."_

_Itachi laughed. When Sasuke got like that, all motherly, it was just too cute. "You're right, I suppose. I'm sorry, I don't mean to worry you." _

_Sasuke smiles triumphantly as Itachi takes a bite of the pasta. _

**believe, beLIEve, believe**

Itachi sighs as the light changes. Even though he had always made a point of looking after Sasuke, Sasuke had, in his own way, looked after Itachi, too.

Suddenly, Itachi is filled with a sense of complete and utter loneliness.

"Sasuke… What happened to you…?" He whispers into the privacy of his car as the police station comes into view. He flicks on his signal and turns into the large parking lot of the morgue adjacent to the station and pulls into a guest spot.

The air conditioning in the police station is on high, and Itachi rubs his arms as the cool blast hit him. He is regretting now not picking out one of the new autumn pieces from the clothing line he got from work- any of those tops would have kept him warm. Itachi glances down at his hands and notices that they look too bony. For a moment, he feels almost guilty, as if he is letting Sasuke down by not keeping up his weight, but he pushes the feeling down.

He walks up to the desk, the sound of his shoes against the tiled floor resonating, and smiles wearily at the man at the counter.

The man looks up, his dark, slightly curly hair covering his eyes slightly. Upon seeing Itachi, he breaks out into a wide grin. "Heya, cousin!" he greets cheerfully, then grows somber, realizing that this is not at all a pleasant visit. "Ah… I heard. About Sasuke… I'm sorry. He… he died way too young."

Itachi shakes his head. "I know, Shisui."

"Shit, I mean he just turned 26, right? He was still practically a teenager…" Shisui glances down. His words are tactless as usual, but they do not offend Itachi. He knows his cousin better than anyone, and he knows that they slightly older male is sincere in his sadness.

Itachi swallows hard. "Believe me, Shisui, I know."

"Well… What brings you here, kiddo?" he asks, smile on his face once again but the cheerfulness is gone from his tone.

"Actually, I wanted to see Sasuke," Itachi says finally after a moment's hesitation.

Shisui's gaze hardens, and he heaves a jaded sigh. "No can do."

"What… what do you mean? I'm his immediate family, I should be allowed to see him," Itachi says, his face displaying his confusion. He thinks back on the time he spent in school studying law enforcement and forensic science, and he is sure that it is not against the law for him to view the body. Suddenly, Itachi is glad that he had forbidden himself that beer. He could see now that this would be difficult enough sober.

"I'm not too sure on the specifics, but the chief isn't letting anyone see the body," Itachi flinches at the term, "aside from a few of the higher ups."

Itachi is quiet for a moment. This makes no sense. Why would his father, chief of police, bar people from seeing his brother? Unless… there was something that they were trying to hide…?

"You don't understand…"

Shisui sighs again, looking genuinely upset. "Look, I know this has been hard for you, and I'd really like to let you through, but orders are orders. And disobeying orders could cost me my job."

Itachi thinks for a moment, trying to sort through this strange mix of feelings, and through the chaos comes Naruto's theory. Itachi glances down, and shuts his eyes, letting the tears well up. He looks back up, letting them fall. "Please, Shisui. I need to see him one more time… Please. This is my baby brother we're talking about."

Shisui shifts uncomfortably in his seat. His heart is breaking for Itachi. While he never had siblings of his own, Itachi had always been like a little brother to him, and he could not imagine what it would be like to lose him. He cannot imagine Itachi's suffering. "I… I can't…" He shakes his head. "Fine. But I swear, if I get in trouble for this…"

"You can tell father that it was my fault. After all, I'm sure he would be alright with me seeing Sasuke, anyway."

Shisui stands, and leads the way. The walk through the hallways of the morgue is a blur for Itachi, who numbly prepares himself for seeing his brother's corpse, and before he knows it he is standing in front of a hospital gurney draped with a white sheet, beneath which the shape of a body is discernible. At the end of the cot, two feet are visible, with a tag tied loosely around a toe.

"This… this is him…?"

Shisui nods. "Or, it was anyway. You sure you want to see this?"

"Yes… Do you mind if I could have a minute alone with him…? I… want to say good bye."

He nods again. "I'll be outside. Just let me know when you're done." He steps outside and Itachi turns to face the gurney as the door slips shut.

Gently, he lifts the corner of the sheet and folds it down, exposing Sasuke's face. Itachi lightly touches his cheek, and his smooth skin is ice cold and an ashy, blue-tinged grey. Aside from the coloring, he looks as if he could be sleeping.

Itachi pushes his dark fringe out of the way, and gently pokes his forehead, the way he always would when they were little. "Wake up, idiot," he whispers, almost feeling disappointed when he does not stir.

Itachi shakes his head, trying not to take any longer than he has to and folds the sheet down to expose his torso. His arms lie at his sides, wrist facing upwards, and Itachi can see the deep gashes in his arms, the mutilated veins, clearly now that the blood has been cleaned up.

"Did you do this to yourself…?"

His gaze travels upward to the tattoo on his shoulder, the one he had gotten the day he turned 18 to make their father angry. "You never were known for making the best decisions."

Itachi moves to roll the sheet back up, but just as he covers the unmoving chest, something catches his eye. A darker blue color than the tone of his cold, dead skin. Gently he tilts the head back, exposing the neck, and gasps.

Bruises, in the shape of two human hands bloom across the pale flesh, with the thumbprints just beneath his Adam's apple. Itachi feels himself grow numb, a sensation of panic welling up within him. There was no way that Sasuke could have created those marks himself.

"Naruto… you were right…"

**believe, beLIEve, believe**

**So, no one caught my foreshadowing in the last chapter. It was where Itachi takes the neck of his liquor bottle in a vice grip. :o **

**Does anyone think I should change the character filter to Naruto and Itachi instead of Naruto and Sasuke? Even though Sasuke's dead, he will show up in a flash back in every chapter, so I think this is okay. Also, this is definitely going to be a heavy story. If anyone thinks I should bump the rating to M at any time, just give me a shout.**

**Questions? Comments? Concerns? Revieeeeewwww! :D**

**Also, this story will be on a short hiatus (it probably won't look any different than my normal updating schedule.) I'm moving into my college dorm, and I'll be living by myself. Sasuke's story is kinda creepy, and I don't want to make myself all paranoid writing all of the things that went on before he died. XD**


	4. III The Empress

**Yay! I'm getting reviews! But that doesn't mean I want you to stop reviewing, no, no. (nods)**

**So, a frequently asked question is regarding how Naruto decided that Sasuke was murdered as opposed to a victim of suicide. I think the questions might be relating to my use of "The World" in the note. Sorry I didn't mention this before, but this story is based in the Tarot's major arcana. The final arcana is The World, which is a card that symbolizes completion of the circle. When all of the answers are found and there are no more mysteries. Since this is a story that begins with the end, we don't know Sasuke's AU personality (although it will steadily be revealed through flashbacks), but Naruto does. It's more of a hunch than anything. A lucky guess for our dobe, but his personal knowledge and Sasuke's plea for Naruto to go looking for answers concerning his death lead him to the idea. However, since Naruto isn't much of a thinker he doesn't know how to go about finding the answers or even the question. Which is why Itachi is his foil/partner in crime. Hope that makes more sense. I'll post this notice at the beginning of Chapter 0 eventually as well. **

**On a side note, I can't wait until Suigetsu shows up! 3**

**That won't be for about two more chapters though. .. :(**

**Chapter Title: **III. The Empress**  
Chapter Warnings: **Mentions of suicide, alcoholism, language

**believe, beLIEve, believe**

_A woman gazes out over her kingdom, a beautiful garden filled with flowers and jewels. She sits comfortably atop a cushioned throne, and her scepter is the earth. With her free hand, she caresses her midsection which is swollen with child. There is no doubt that she will love her children, but will her love smother them, as a flame too eagerly tended?_

**believe, beLIEve, believe**

When Itachi knocks on Naruto's door at three in the afternoon, he is appalled at the transformation. Gone are the casual clothes, and he looks sharp in a black Gucci trench and a white collared shirt underneath with a black and red striped tie coupled with charcoal grey slacks. His black shoes are polished and shine in the light of sun at its peak.

Upon opening the door, Naruto can only stare at him blankly. The man before him still looks tired, still haggard, but there is something different in his expression, but perhaps that is because he is completely sober for the first time since finding his little brother with his wrists slashed open.

"Good afternoon," he says, when it becomes obvious that Naruto cannot say anything at the moment. "May I come in?"

Naruto only nods, and steps aside to allow him to enter, watching him as he takes off his shoes at the doorway and places them neatly on the floor with the toes facing the wall. From a pocket within the briefcase he carries he pulls out his indoor shoes and slips them on, and only then walks into the house. Naruto cannot help but feel a sad sense of nostalgia as he watches Itachi's movements. Whenever Sasuke came over, he would go through the same routine.

"Itachi… What are you doing here…?" he asks finally, not enjoying how he is suddenly noticing how alike his and Sasuke's mannerisms are. It gives him a sick and distraught feeling.

Itachi does not respond at first. He places the briefcase on the kitchen table and sits down, as if gathering his thoughts. "I went to see Sasuke yesterday."

Naruto's breath catches in his throat; this was absolutely the last thing he had expected to hear. "What do you mean…? Where…?"

"The morgue at the police station, of course," he says softly, seeming to drift off for a moment before he pulls himself back into the present. He shakes his head. "And, I wanted to apologize for my behavior yesterday, because it seems your theory was correct."

Naruto's gaze drops to his feet, sheathed in white socks. A tan hand runs over his sun-kissed skin. "What makes you say so?" He asks, this time entirely sure that he does not want to know the answer, but at the same time he _must_ know.

Itachi does not hesitate in his speaking, and again, Naruto is shocked by the transformation. He speaks as if he is doing business as he says, "I saw these marks on his neck. Bruises, in the shape of human hands, and his windpipe was crushed." He rubs his stubbly chin for a moment, and Naruto waits as he formulates his next words. "There were… certain things… that did not seem right when I found him. There… was hardly any blood. I mean, there was a lot, but not enough that he could have died from blood loss. That's why when I go there, I thought I was just in time. You remember that I studied forensics and law in college. There was definitely less than two liters of blood, perhaps a liter and a half. At that point, he should not have even lost consciousness yet. When I got there he wasn't bleeding anymore, but that was not enough blood loss for him to die from. I should have noticed that something was strange…"

Comfortingly, Naruto places a hand on his shoulder and looks out the window momentarily. The skies are gray and clouded and occasionally there is a rumble of thunder. "Don't. It's not your fault. Who the hell would come to that kind of conclusion?" He shakes his head, sighing in frustration. His strong sense of justice is beginning to well up inside of him. There is no way they can simply just ignore the information that has been revealed. "So what now…?"

Itachi lets out a _hmm_ of thought, tapping his upper lip. "The strangest thing was… when I went to the station and asked Shisui to see him, he told me that I wasn't allowed. Typically, they only set those regulations when foul play is suspected and the police wants to preserve evidence."

Naruto shook his head. "Your father is the chief, though, isn't he? Why would he do that if he's not even opening up a case or something? The papers say that Sasuke…"

"I know. Or, rather… I don't know." He sighs and leans back in his seat, tugging at the cuff of his sleeve. "I suppose I'm going to have to ask my father." His expression turns grave suddenly. "Don't tell anybody about this, by the way. Naturally because of that regulation I was not supposed to see him. Shisui could get in a lot of trouble if anyone finds out. I just thought you might like to know."

Naruto rubs his hand on his face and slouches forward in his chair. "Thanks," he mutters, but there is an emptiness to the word.

So Sasuke was murdered. By whom? Why? Naruto has a strange feeling of wanting all the answers, _now_, but at the same time, wanting none of them, _ever_. After all, ignorance is bliss.

But he owed it to Sasuke to find the answers.

"I will talk to my father tomorrow."

"How are you going to do that without revealing that you saw the body…? Like you said, Shisui can get in trouble…"

Itachi unlatches the briefcase and removes a legal pad and a pen, clicking it three times before he flips to an unused page and puts ink to paper. "I won't have to. My father is aware that I am intelligent. He knows what I have studied, and though he does not necessarily approve of the career path I have chosen for myself, I know that he sees me as his equal- even his superior- when it comes to logic and though processes. I'll simply explain to him the aspects of the crime scene that seemed out of place, and show him my reasons for suspecting foul play."

Naruto nods, knowing that Itachi has every right to be confident in his reasoning ability, but something about this whole situation, other than the obvious, doesn't sit well with him. Naruto remembered meeting Fugaku Uchiha on several occasions, and each time he seemed like such a bitter man. As far has he knew, neither of the Uchiha brothers had spoken to him in several years. He and Sasuke had lost touch after he had dropped out of school and admitted he was gay; He had stopped speaking to his oldest son years before, when he had begun his career in the fashion industry. With this strange limitation that the man had placed of the viewing of Sasuke's body, Naruto cannot bring himself to trust the man at all. He even begins to worry that perhaps the hateful father had a hand in bringing about the death of his more disappointing son.

The two fall into what, under any other circumstances, might be considered a comfortable silence.

"Naruto…" Itachi ventures after a while, the scratching of his pen on the paper pausing briefly.

"Yeah?"

He sighs, glancing down at his paper once again. "It's just… was he happy? Before he died. Was he content, or did he suspect something? Was he afraid? Did he know what was coming? ...Was my brother happy…?"

Naruto frowns, wondering, as the scratching of the pen resumes.

**believe, beLIEve, believe**

"_Sasuke…" Naruto questions after a comfortable silence. Sasuke, 23 at the time, glances up, the scratch of his pen pausing against the thin paper of his club's audits._

_The raven haired male shifts in his position on his bed, uncrossing his legs and re-crossing them the other way. "Yeah?"_

"_Are you happy?" he asks simply. _

_Sasuke's gaze shows his discomfort at the question. "Happy?"  
_

"_Yeah, you know… Like content?"_

_He is silent for a while, and from the barely noticeable shifting of his jaw, Naruto can tell that he is toying with his tongue ring. "I don't know. I guess it depends on what you mean by happy."_

"_Well… are you happy with your career?" he begins, beating around the bush as to what he truly wants to ask._

_Sasuke instantly brightens. "Work is great. I love the club. We're in the green this month surprisingly, so I'm putting in an order for these new barstools. They really go with the rest of the décor. Suigetsu's been playing this new kind of music… they call it progressive house. Our customers really like the way it sounds. We have a lot of younger people coming in now, less for drinking and more for the music."_

_A flash of platinum blond hair and stunning violet eyes enters Naruto's thoughts, and his jaw clenches. "And what about us? Are you happy with us? Do _I_ make you happy?"_

"_Of course."_

"_Like I believe that," Naruto spits under his breath, in an uncharacteristic burst of anger. He clenches his fist and tries to rein it in, but Sasuke has already heard him, and Naruto can practically see the walls building up between them. _

_Naruto expects the usual argument to begin, for Sasuke to unleash his fiery nature and lash out at him for the lack of trust that had existed between them lately; something unexpected happens instead. _

_Sasuke seems to deflate, hanging his head so that his satiny hair falls in a sheet over his ivory features and his arms seem to go limp, his hands allowing the paper and pen to teeter loosely in his palms. "Not this again. Please."_

"_Sasuke, you're hiding something from me," he states, not at all a question. "Something bad. I can tell. You've become so emotionally distant… Cold, even. I know you have issues expressing your feelings, but… It's like… I feel like you don't love me anymore."_

_Sasuke does not look up. "Yeah, I am hiding something. But I still love you Naruto, and I _swear_ this has nothing to do with Suigetsu, so don't even suggest it."_

"Yeah, that makes me feel better."  


_He looks up now, but from his expression, Naruto wishes that he hadn't. And he finds himself wishing he could go back and erase this conversation because it terrifies him to see that look on the face of the one he loves._

_His eyes are empty, lifeless. His stare blank. He seems hollow, and when he speaks, it is easy to imagine the sound waves of that beautiful voice ricocheting against the walls of an empty, white room. _

"_Please understand me, Naruto. This thing that I'm hiding… you don't want to know about it. _I_ don't want to know about it. So please… don't bring it up again…_

"_Before it suffocates me."_

**believe, beLIEve, believe**

_Naruto awakens to the feeling of a cool hand pressed against his flushed cheek, roused from a nightmare, followed by a gentle kiss to the corner of his mouth. He opens his eyes, catching first the glimpse of that hand retreating, almost spirit-like in the grey darkness of his bedroom. He glances at the clock. It is 5:30AM. Outside of his window, the sky is a haze of midnight purple, and the sky is beginning to lighten, just barely. _

"_Sasu… what… is something wrong…?" he mutters groggily, shifting in his burrow of blankets and pillows, relishing in their silky feel against his hot flesh, to make room for his lover._

"_No. I just wanted to say… good morning." _

_As he becomes more aware of his surroundings and his eyes adjust to the dark, he looks - really looks - at Sasuke's face. He looks exhausted, having just returned from a long night at the club, but happy. The scent of alcohol lingers on his clothing, not from drinking, but serving. _

"_Well… good morning. How was work?"_

"_Tiring. The club was packed. We brought in this Burlesque dancer. Suigetsu was drooling over her all night," he rolls his eyes, "so I had to pick up his slack." He chuckles, and Naruto feels almost out of touch with reality. Did last night even happen? "You should have come. You would have enjoyed it." Each of Sasuke's words make last night seem even farther and farther away, until the memory feels like the shadow of a dream. _

"_I never have been there, have I?" he sighs. _

"_Because of Suigetsu, right?"  
_

_Naruto says nothing, afraid to bring up the man he had come to see as his biggest rival in conversation again. _

"_I figured. You know, he's a really nice guy. He's changed a lot since high school. He's fun to be around."_

"_I didn't like him then, and I doubt I'd like him now." In actuality, Naruto had always felt inferior to him, and he was afraid that he would still be inferior. After all, Naruto, with his tanned skin and clear blue eyes, was the sun; Sasuke, with his dark hair, dark eyes, dark everything, was the night; Suigetsu, with his platinum hair and ivory skin, was the moon._

_And what goes better with the night than the moon?_

"_Fine. But… he asks how you're doing, you know. He doesn't have any hard feelings for you from high school."_

"_He shouldn't."_

_Sasuke laughs again, and flicks his lover's nose. "You stole me from him. He has more right to dislike you than you him."_

"_Whatever!" Naruto rolls over and wraps his arms around Sasuke's waist, pulling him closer, burying his face into the other's chest._

_Sasuke lets out a sound like a purr and return the contact, intertwining their legs. "You're warm…"_

"_You're mine."_

_Sasuke is smiling, and this is a treat for Naruto because Sasuke smiles less and less as the years go by. "Okay."_

**believe, beLIEve, believe**

Was Sasuke happy?

"I don't know."

**believe, beLIEve, believe**


	5. IV The Emperor

**So… back again! :D This chapter was kinda awkward to write. I guess I just need to get back into the swing of things.**

**Chapter Title: **IV. The Emperor**  
Chapter Warnings: **Mentions of suicide, self-harm, language

**believe, beLIEve, believe**

_The man sits atop a bejeweled throne. He is the very symbol of authority; of rules, regulations, and enforcement. In his hand he holds a metal cube, the symbol of structure and stability. But the land behind him is barren, with cracks and chasms running through the endless valley as rivers might in a more fertile land. Perhaps he is not in control as much as he believes._

**believe, beLIEve, believe**

Konoha Police Department's main office complex rises up several stories, with each side paneled in a modern, blue tinted glass. It has been a long time since Itachi has been here, but it looks just as he remembered. His father's office is on the fourth floor, and it does not take Itachi very long to get past the first floor lobby.

Sooner than he would like, he is in the elevator. He is sweating a bit, which is very unusual for him, and so he loosens his tie and removes his gloves to place them in one of his coat's many pockets; even as he does this, however, he knows very well that he isn't sweating from the heat, but from nerves.

After all, he has not spoken a single word to his father in three years.

Pausing outside his father's office, he gathers his bearings and mentally prepares himself for their meeting. Suddenly, he finds himself wishing that he had brought Naruto with him. If anyone could ease his nerves, it was his brother's former lover. The door to the office is shut, and Itachi moves to knock, but stops dead in his tracks when he hears a shout from inside.

"_I don't want to hear it_!"

The voice is muffled by the heavy door of the office, but the voice is unmistakably the baritone of Uchiha Fugaku. Another voice, quieter, responds to him, and Itachi leans closer to the door so that he can better hear he conversation.

"Let me make this clear, brother. My son's death is none of your business."

There is a momentary pause.

"Now get out of my office."

Itachi moves away from the door quickly, to sit on one of the chairs outside of the office. That tidbit of conversation has unnerved him, but he knows that he cannot let it show on his face. That seemed like something he was almost definitely not supposed to hear. Seconds after Itachi is seated, a man in his mid-thirties emerges, a tightlipped expression on his face. Itachi recognizes him instantly.

"Uncle Izuna," he greets, nodding his head slightly.

The man's face lightens, and he smiles softly. "Itachi. It's been ages since I've seen you. How are you?" He shakes his head. "Before all of this, I mean. I'm very sorry for your loss."

"I was well, and thank you," he says, beginning to feel overwhelmed by this situation. Itachi sighs and imagines himself in his study, staring blankly at the wall, his palms caressing the curves of a glass filled to the brim with a hard liquor and the memory of piles of sympathy cards smoldering in his fireplace. Depressingly enough, this has become his happy place. "How was England?" he asks, having caught the slight hint of an accent on his uncle's voice, and recalling that he had left the states to do business in another country a couple of years back.

"It was excellent. Mangekyou Corporation is doing very well. I've come down to visit… for the funeral," he adds, a hint of sadness to his tone. Sasuke had certainly been Izuna's favorite nephew, and the two had had much in common. As a well-adjusted gay man, Izuna had been one of the few people Sasuke would talk to when he was first struggling with coming out of the closet, and they had formed a close relationship during that dark time. "I really am so sorry," he continued. "I… I feel guilty for what happened I suppose. I just wish I had been able to prevent it…" Izuna closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. "But I suppose that's in the past now… We can only move forward from here."

Itachi nods, unable to speak anymore. He can only agree with Izuna's words. He needs to be strong. He can't keep dwelling on his pain. He needs to move forward.

"Please. Call me if you need anything. Anything at all," he says quietly before turning down the hall, and Itachi cannot help but notice the helpless, troubled look in his eye.

Itachi listens to his footsteps as they fade away, then stands and knocks on the door. He swallows hard and tries to convince himself that he has the strength to do this.

"Enter," comes his father's voice. Clipped, and a bit frustrated, but far more calm than before. When Itachi enters, his face hardens and he turns coldly back to his computer screen.

"Good afternoon, father," he greets. He receives no response. So Fugaku still insists on ignoring him? Itachi takes a seat in the plush navy chair in front of the birch wood desk. "I'd like to speak to you, if you have a moment."

Still, no response.

Itachi rests his elbows on his knees and his forehead on his fists. He lets the silence stretch on, broken only by the sound of Fugaku typing. After a moment, he speaks again. "Lilies or roses?" he asks, knowing that Fugaku will understand what he means.

The typing pauses and Itachi stares at the back of his father's head, wondering if he will ever get a response.

"Roses," Fugaku says finally, seeming to deflate. "He always was fond of your rose bushes, wasn't he?" He turns in his chair so that he is facing his remaining son, but he does not, or perhaps cannot, look him in the eyes.

"He was."

"Are the funeral preparations going well?"

"They are," Itachi says softly. "There won't be any sympathy cards displayed, however. I am afraid that I could not resist burning them."

Fugaku chuckles. "You too?" His face has returned to its previous impenetrable mask, and Itachi cannot help but wonder whether or not his father is feeling the same kind of grief that he and Izuna and Naruto are feeling. Can one feel agony over the loss of someone that they had refused to speak to for over eight years?

"Father… were you with the police who responded to my 911 call?" he asks, suddenly changing the subject. He had been too distraught that night, and remembered very little about the events after the call, and it didn't help that a paramedic had given him a sedative.

Fugaku frowns. "Yes, why?"

"Well… did you… by any chance notice anything strange?"

Fugaku narrows his eyes. "You mean other than my son dead on the floor?" he says, a bit angrily.

Itachi shakes his head. "No, I mean… Sasuke did kill himself, didn't he?" His voice seems to have shrunk, as if he were a small child again, looking for reassurance from his father. "He wasn't… there was no foul play involved, right?"

"Of course not," he answers quickly. "The cause of death was listed as blood loss."

Itachi gazes at him, a bit confused. Surely his father must have noticed something… "Are you positive?"

"Absolutely."

There is a moment of stunned silence as Itachi takes the information in. "Truly? Because… I could have sworn that I saw these bruises on his neck, and-"

He is cut off by the feeling of Fugaku's hand on his shoulder. "Itachi, you were very distressed that day. The only injuries had had were the ones on his wrists. You must be misremembering the situation. Take it easy, relax, and try not to think about this too much. I know this is painful for you, but you're only making the situation worse by asking these questions."

Itachi holds his father's gaze for several moments. The look in his eyes seems sincere, but… There is no way that his father and the paramedics had missed seeing those bruises, is there? Itachi had seen them, hadn't he? He is confused, but he understands very well that talking to his father is a lost cause, at least for the moment.

"I… you're right." He stands. "If you don't mind, I think I will go home. I haven't slept well since that day. I imagine my mind must be playing tricks on me.

"That's for the best. I… will be in touch," he adds, giving his son a look of sympathy.

**believe, beLIEve, believe**

_Itachi's grip tightens even more on the arm of a 15 year old Sasuke as he stares at the angry, red, razor-thin lines on his brother's pale wrists and counts them. Twenty two. Where there is no redness, clearly discernible white scars stand out. _

"_Let go, Itachi… that hurts!" he growls, attempting to pull his hand away. _

_Itachi glares at him, unable to remember a time when he has felt this infuriated with the teenager. "Why the _hell_ should I care if this is hurting you, if _you're_ going to hurt _yourself_ like this?" he retaliates, but nonetheless releases him._

_Sasuke yanks his arm free from his hands and tugs his sleeve down to cover the cuts. "Just leave me alone!" he shouts, turning to run off to his own room, but Itachi stops him with a hand on his shoulder. _

"_Fuck. No. Sit down. We're talking about this right now," he says through clenched teeth, pointing at a chair. Sasuke's eyes widen. He has never heard his brother, normally so relaxed and laidback, swear, and he quickly realizes that Itachi is being deadly serious. Numbly, he obeys and sits in the chair, a little afraid of this new side to his brother._

"_In God's name, _why_ are you doing this?" he asks, as calmly as he can, given the situation._

_Sasuke stares down at his lap, feeling uncomfortably exposed. "Does it matter?"_

"_Of course it matters. This is a big deal, Sasuke." His voice is calmer, gentler now, but Sasuke's hands shake slightly, and Itachi fears that he will not be able to get him to open up to him now. "I don't mean to yell," he apologizes quietly, "but you need to tell me why you're doing this, and it needs to stop." Itachi reaches out for Sasuke's hand; he does not reject the contact, but he does not return it either, and his hand lies limply in Itachi's warm grasp. "Sasuke," he begins again. "Why are you cutting yourself? How long has this been going on?"_

_Sasuke's hair covers his eyes from view, and Itachi cannot see that he is struggling to hold back tears. "About a year…" He hesitates. "And… I… don't know," he tries, after several moments of silence._

"_You don't know, or you don't want to tell me?"_

_Sasuke shrugged slightly, and Itachi took it to mean the latter. _

_Itachi reaches out and pulls Sasuke into a hug as he notices the tears beginning to fall. "Would you talk to someone else, then? What about Uncle Izuna?"_

_Sasuke shakes his head against Itachi's shoulder. "I can't. I can't talk about it…"_

_Itachi pulls back. "What do you mean you can't? There's nothing stopping you. I won't judge you Sasuke. I'm here for you."_

_He shakes his head again. "No. You don't understand…" He runs the back of his hand over his cheeks, erasing the salty trails. "I _can't._ It's like… I try… but the words don't come out. I'm sorry." _

_Itachi wants nothing more than to continue to pressure Sasuke for an answer, but the forlorn, almost tortured look in those soft grey eyes so like his own stops him. _

"_I'm sorry. I don't want to make you upset," Sasuke says suddenly. "I'll try to stop."_

_Itachi only stares at him in silence, highly doubting that Sasuke is being truthful. "Sasuke. Don't lie to me. Please."_

"I'm not. It's not like it will make a difference whether I do or don't. The wounds are there, regardless of whether or not one can see them. And if it will make you feel better... then I'll find another way to cope."

**believe, beLIEve, believe**

That night, Itachi dreams that he is sitting in his rose garden with Sasuke, laughing over the insincerity of the sympathy cards; crimson blood trickles down Sasuke's white arms and pools out onto the floor.

**believe, beLIEve, believe**

**Fun fun! :D Love it? Hate it? Tell me why! But to do that you have to reviewww! **

**It kills me how much symbolism I'm putting in here. ;D I hope someone notices. One more chapter until Suigetsu! So excited! :D**

**See ya soon!**


	6. V The Hierophant

**Ugh. Back to no reviews! Wah. ;.;**

**It's okay though. I'll just suck it up…**

**This chapter is so dialogue heavy. :o**

**Chapter Title: **V. The Hierophant**  
Chapter Warnings: **Mentions of suicide, self-harm, language

**believe, beLIEve, believe**

_The man is perched atop a sturdy, modest throne. Around his neck are the keys to unlock the answer. Before him, on midnight carpet kneel his two disciples. The lily, and her heart is pure. Beside her is the more energetic rose , and his heart is wild with passion. Will they find balance?_

**believe, beLIEve, believe**

Naruto's fist collides painfully with his kitchen table as Itachi explains to him in detail the events of the day.

"So let me get this straight. Your father knows that something isn't right, so he won't let anyone see the… the body… and yet when you confront him about it, he flat out denies it?" Naruto shakes his head, his strong sense of justice beginning to overwhelm him. "That sounds suspicious if you ask me."

Itachi sighs. "I know. But he seemed so sincere… It could be entirely possible that he just doesn't want to upset me. Or, he could be taking matters into his own hands to avoid this getting out to the public," he reasons. "It would make sense for a family of our stature. To let out that the Chief's son had been murdered… It would certainly cause a bit of an uproar."

Naruto anxiously tears a white napkin into tiny pieces as he listens. "Yeah, or maybe he's the one who killed Sasuke," he suggests in a flat tone.

"Naruto."

He exhales in frustration. "Come on. Your father considered Sasuke to be a black mark on your family's name. First the piercings, then coming out of the closet, and then the club…"

"Stop. My father did not kill Sasuke," Itachi says firmly. "There's no way." His dark eye's narrow. "My father might be close minded, but he is not a murderer. Besides, after almost eleven years of disobedience… To kill him now would have been pointless. There's no motive."

The two lapse into silence and Naruto walks to the fridge and pours himself a cup of green tea, using the few minutes to calm himself down. As an afterthought, he pours an additional cup for Itachi, who nods gratefully at the gesture.

Naruto's kitchen is still spotless, still bright and happy. All except for the curtains which remain crumpled in a dusty mess on the floor. "This is starting to feel like a television drama."

Itachi chuckles dryly. "Wouldn't he have loved that?"

"Itachi, what the hell are we gonna do? Sasuke's funeral is in four days. We can't just sit around and do nothing when we know that he was killed."

The raven haired male frowns and pulls at a loose thread on his pressed slacks. "We just have to leave this up to the police, I suppose."

This answer does not satisfy him at all. He takes a long sip from his drink, then glares at the swirling liquid as it returns to its stationary, equilibrium point settled at the bottom of the cup. Naruto cannot help but wish that his life would do the same thing, but things don't seem to be in his favor on that subject.

"Maybe you'll be okay with that…" Naruto mutters finally. "But I won't. I'm going to find Sasuke's killer if it's the last thing I do. I promise."

Itachi gazes at him, his expression softening. "I understand how you feel," he begins, rubbing at his tired eyes. "Honestly, I feel the same way. But…"

"But _nothing_," Naruto shouts. "Sasuke deserves justice!"

"I… yeah, you're right," Itachi sighs in defeat. "But how are we going to do that on our own? We don't have access to the tools that would allow us to collect proper evidence. We'd just be doing pseudo detective work."

"That could be enough. Like Sasuke said, the answers are all there… I'm pretty confident that we know the person who killed him," Naruto begins, finally able to put his pain to the side to focus on the goal at hand. "Otherwise, I don't think he would have sent me that letter. I mean…" he falters slightly. "The fact that he sent the letter at all means that he knew he was going to die, right?" he says uncertainly, knowing that he isn't the brightest, but still trying to reason through the information he has received so far.

"I would imagine so," Itachi confirms, having thought the same thing himself.

"And… the fact that his wrists were slit means that whoever did it must have known that he had… issues, and that covering up a murder with suicide would be convincing to the people who knew him right? I mean, _you_ were certain that Sasuke would have killed himself, and you knew him better than anyone."

Itachi nods slightly. "Yes, I would think so. It's… unnerving, really. Sasuke was fairly well liked… I can't think of anyone who would have some sort of vendetta against him…"

Naruto is silent for a moment, an idea striking him suddenly. "…I do. The only person to love Sasuke as much as I did."

Itachi gives him a curious glance. "And who might that be?"

"Suigetsu Hozuki."

Itachi furrows his brows, looking puzzled. "Suigetsu? He and Sasuke were good friends in high school, weren't they? And they work together now… Again, there's no motive."

Naruto shakes his head. "You don't understand. You probably never knew this, because Sasuke wasn't out then, but he and Suigetsu dated for pretty much all of high school. He's Sasuke's ex." He glanced away, almost guiltily. "I kind of… convinced Sasuke to end things between them senior year. I don't hesitate to think that he hasn't forgotten that. And it's not as if that guy doesn't have it in him. From what Sasuke tells me, he's from an area with a lot of gang violence, and he comes from an abusive home."

Itachi's voice grows quieter. "But then… why now? If it were out of jealousy… Why would he have waited this long?"

A storm begins in Naruto's cerulean eyes; he knows exactly what had changed about his relationship with Sasuke that might have caused it. "We were talking about getting married."

His lips part, as if to say something, but he shakes his head and looks down at the piece of paper he has scrawled countless notes on things he has seen and things he has heard, staying silent. "Ah."

"I can definitely imagine that pushing him over the edge," he said softly, ignoring Itachi's pitying gaze. It does nothing to console him, only makes the pain of what could have been more real.

"Perhaps we should get in touch with him? Ask him some questions… See if there's anything suspicious about his behavior."

Naruto pauses. "I don't have any of his contact info-oh, wait! I have Karin's number… She works at the club, too." He glances at the clock. 9:00PM. "Sasuke's usually at work by now, getting the place ready for the night, so Suigetsu should be there now…"

He pulls his cellphone from his pocket and searches his contacts for the number. He has never used it before; he and Karin met only once, but they had gotten along fairly well and had exchanged numbers.

It rings twice before the harsh but feminine voice of the pretty red head answers. "Hello?"

"Karin?"

"Yeah? Who's this?" she asks, the slight twang of a Jersey accent peeking through.

"This is Naruto. We met once. I'm-"

"Sasuke's _boyfriend_! He talked about you all the time, sweetie. I know who you are. What's the matter, love? Are you doing alright? I know it's been tough for us over here at Eternity Blue… I can't imagine what you're going through…"

"Thanks, Karin. I've been as okay as I can be," he says gently. "I was wondering if I could talk to Suigetsu," he adds, trying to get to the point.

"Suigetsu? He's not here right now," she informed, a hint of curiosity in here voice.

"Oh. Well… what time does he usually come in?"

Karin sighs. "He's usually here at 8:00 sharp, but he hasn't shown up since… you know. Haven't been able to get in touch with him either."

Naruto feels frozen on the spot. "He hasn't shown up?" He glances at Itachi, who raises an eyebrow.

"Nope. It's strange… when we first heard what happened, he seemed okay… He didn't, like, break down or anything. He just took a few shots, did his mixing, and went home. It must have hit him harder than we thought. I'll be honest, I think he kind of had a thing for Sasuke. We thought it'd be best to just give him time off…"

"Could you tell me where he lives?" he interjects.

"Sure." Itachi silently hands him his notebook and a pen and Naruto writes down the directions she gives him.

"I see. Thanks."

"No problem, sweetie. Just call me if you need anything."

Naruto mutters his salutations and hangs up, moving to sit down on the sofa and letting out a heavy sigh. "Did you hear all that?"

"Most of it."

"What did you think?"

"I must say it certainly doesn't sound very good."

"I'm going over there."

"Naruto."

Naruto simply glances at him.

"Just… Look, I know I can't stop you. But make sure you don't do anything needlessly reckless. Please?"

There is an unfamiliar look in the blond's eyes. "I can't guarantee anything when I'm standing face to face with the man who killed the love of my life."

"_Naruto_. You don't know for sure that Suigetsu did anything. Making that assumption is just what I mean by needlessly reckless. And in the even that he is innocent, you _cannot_ let him know that Sasuke was murdered." Itachi moves to stand in front of him. "Do you understand?"

"Fine."

"Shall I go with you?"

Naruto takes three deep, calming breaths, the way Sasuke would when he felt overwhelmed. "No. I have to do this alone."

"I understand, but-"

"I know. I'll be careful."

**believe, beLIEve, believe**

"_What are you thinking about?" Naruto asks, moving to lay beside Sasuke on their bed._

"_I was just thinking, holy shit I'm 26."_

_Naruto chuckles. "Just four more years and you'll be 30."_

"_Oh my god, don't do that to me."_

_He reaches out to stroke Sasuke's dark locks, and Sasuke sighs, leaning into his touch. "You seem content," he notes._

_Sasuke sighs again. "Mm. I feel… at peace."_

_Naruto leans down and kisses him softly, tastes a hit of alcohol on his breath. "I like it when you're this way."_

"_Do you?"_

"_Mmhm."_

_A silence falls over the two, and Naruto reaches for his lovers hand, gently stroking the long forgotten trail of white scars on the underside of his arm. _

"_I feel… powerful right now," Sasuke muses._

"_It's all that Champaign."_

_Sasuke gives his shoulder a playful punch. "Hush." He rolls over so that he is staring into his lover's eyes. "It's like… I'm tired of living this way…" His hand cups a tan cheek. "Yeah. I'm going to finally take my life back."_

"_What do you mean?" Naruto asks, more than curious._

"_I'm just not going to let my past destroy my future anymore."_

_Naruto says nothing, knowing better than to press further, especially when he is in such a vulnerable state. _

"_I love you."_

_Naruto cannot help but grin stupidly, because Sasuke can always do this to him. "I love you, too. Marry me, Sasuke?"_

_Sasuke smirks, and kisses him deeply. Naruto closes his eyes and zones out until he can feel nothing but the movement of those soft lips on his, and that warm tongue massaging his, and that cold, smooth ring, slowly warming with the rising of their body temperatures. "When?"_

"_Tonight," he whispers before diving in for more. _

_Sasuke pulls away, laughing. "Too soon. But yeah. We should get married... What about next autumn?"_

"_Sounds good to me. Think Itachi would be our flower girl?"_

_Another laugh. Naruto momentarily thinks about how unpredictable Sasuke can be when drunk, but pushes it aside and just enjoys the moment. He is beginning to feel just as powerful as Sasuke is._

"_Sleep with me."_

_Naruto's eyes blink wide open, as if he has been snapped out of a trance. Unpredictable indeed. "What do you…?"_

"_Naruto, have sex with me."_

"_I… what… Are you…" he swallows, feeling a bit dizzy. In the time they have been together, the most they have done is a bit of touching. Nothing more. "Are you sure?" he asks, incredulous._

"_More than sure."_

_And so they do. _

_Sasuke awakens the next morning with no recollection of their first and only time._

**believe, beLIEve, believe**

**Review, please? :3**


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